Weekend Reflections: Disconnected & more connected

Hi Friends!

Since I made my last post I have really committed to that transformation.  I feel so convicted to make this change that it’s been on my mind constantly.  It has been bleeding into so many areas of my life I know it’s more important than ever to really focus on being the person I was meant to be!  One of the first things I’ve been doing is really just disconnecting. #RISK.  Something about technology makes us feel so anxious, like we have to be constantly available.  So often we apologize when we didn’t answer our phones quick enough, why?  Apologizing for being in the moment?  Enough of that.  Enough being sorry for being caught up in your own life.

This past weekend Matt and I planned to have a date day!  Sometimes the weekends seem so full of chores and responsibilities that I’m desperate for some fun.   We planned a day of activities that we really enjoy to do and aside from taking photos (which should be taken on my camera, but ugh so heavy .. ) I was so disconnected from the world & sooo stress free!

Saturday morning we went to the gym & got distracted with an impromptu  photo shoot 🙂

After the gym we  got all fresh and put real clothes on (sayyy whatt?!) and headed out.

 

We went to the range first so Matt could shoot his new gun.  I have taken my concealed carry class & am usually quite comfortable with guns but Saturday was PACKED at the range all it was so overwhelming.  Literally some people shouldn’t be allowed to come 50ft near a weapon, but …that’s none of my business.  Anyways, I decided to pass and just be the photographer.

Like look at this smoke show.  This is mine…lawd.

After that we went to see Creed, finally.  Ironically the Rocky’s have been on all week so we were already in the mind frame but damn that movie was good.  It’s so rare a franchise can come out with that many movies but they just keep getting better.  It was late when we got out of there but Matt and I were both all fired up & motivated.

I ate an entire popcorn to myself as well and feel only slightly ashamed.  We popped around some stores, grabbed Matt a new pair of shoes and had dinner at Szechuan 132.   It’s really the only nice sit down Chinese restaurant and we only ever got with my grandmother.  I’m a terrible blogger (or a phony) and didn’t snag any photos but I had an amazing chicken pad thai.

Sunday we were pretty lazy.  We had all intentions of shooting our bows but it was rainy and crappy so it was just a lot of lounging.  We watched the message from church online (pc3live.org) and made another round of steaks for dinner – steaks, mashed potatoes, veggies – is there anything more to life?  This photo below is actually from NYE – I am a fraud.

Now, it’s Monday and there is no long weekend in sight and I am dying!  But good hair days call for celebrations …

Before I go, I’ll share you a little snippet of the message from church yesterday –

“When we move into heaven it will just be one more day of us living in God’s kingdom so we need to start living and preparing for that today.  Today counts!  There is only one way to God (through Jesus) but there are many ways to Jesus.  Someones way to Him may just be THROUGH YOU. Try viewing your life and purpose through this vision”

I am praying for an opportunity to come true this week so all prayers are welcome! I’m trusting in God that He will bring me where I need to be as part of His perfect plan.

XO,

Casey

All the feels & my one word

With the start of the year approaching so many people are focusing on resolutions to start the year off right.  I think it’s great that you can use the start of the year as a fresh start but for me I come to these decisions all throughout the year (many I don’t tend to stick with either).  Right now I want my goals centered on emotional & spiritual growth.

I saw this recently and it really struck a cord.  I’ve been a victim of this so many times but I’ve also been this hater.  Unable to release the pressure of not being who others think I should be but also unable to be happy for others because I was too afraid I couldn’t do that.  Both of these are so ugly but common.

I have routinely declared that I wouldn’t allow myself to be bullied anymore but always seem to find myself falling back into the same behaviors.  I let others expectations for my actions leave me feeling insufficient.  I often feel the disappointment from others on what I chose to do (or more likely not do) affect me deeply and make me reconsider my self worth.  I’ve spent a decade of my life trying to be someone I am not and instead of feeling defeated I want to celebrate the awareness of my true identity.  Enough of the excuses, the apologies, and the emptiness.   This year I vow to be more open, raw, exposed & the truest version of myself.

As I started to come to this realization I was terrified of how to put it into action.  How do I put aside everyone’s expectations and opinions and focus only on my own?  Will I lose people?  Will I fail?  Will I regret my choices?  As these thoughts flooded my mind I realized in the same thought I had already failed at my own attempt to change.   I have to believe in myself to be myself which started to lead me to picking my one word for the year.  I won’t get into that now but my church, PC3, believes in choosing a word of focus for the year and letting God show you his direction for your life.   The word that has caused me the most anxiety and fear is the word I knew was the right one.

Risk.  What a terrifying word for a person who lives in a bubble of security.  I like all my ducks to be in a row and back up plans for my back up plans.  I neglect to remember that priorities change not just in your teens but your 20’s, 30’s, etc.  You are not required to be the person you were yesterday and are entitled to change at any point.  I want this word to force me to get out of my comfort zone – to bet on myself.  To not think that I am not good enough for this or that.  To stop thinking that “content” is okay.  To stop thinking that I can’t go after what it is I truly want.  To not being envious of others for having things I am completely capable of attaining.  To stop needing the approval of others to let me know I’m enough.  To risk being completely 100% myself! To ignore the disappointment from others that I am not who they want me to be.  I want to truly trust God to know that he has plans for me more beautiful than this world does.

I am making this public because this is out of my comfort zone.  This is terrifying and embarrassing to be an adult who is afraid to be herself.  I know that keeping it to myself will not elicit growth.

 

I am not okay with the unknown but I am ready to learn.  I am ready to take a chance on me no matter what the consequences.

Happy New Year!  More to come this year

XO,

Casey